When my kids were just littles, I had not yet come to an understanding of the trauma that I had been through and the sin I was holding on to. Thus, I did not know how to process depression, anxiety, and overwhelm. I just kept going back to pills, but nothing was working. I finally had such a cute little family…why couldn’t I pull it together?!!!
One particular Spring day in the early 2000s, I was so overwhelmed with this burden…I went outside to cry. It was a beautiful day, but my head was buried in my hands when the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves lifted my head to look. As I did, I will never forget that all I could see was a million little green hands clapping for me. I felt completely seen and thoroughly understood right there. God gave me what I needed at that moment, but even though I knew Him, it would take many years for me to understand the fullness of what He was saying to me through those trees.
Fast-forward…Now, I am walking in a tender, loving relationship with the Lord, and with His help, I have a better grasp on the physical and psychological effects of trauma and sin. He opened my eyes to a passage that clarified everything…
“For as heaven is higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts…so my word that comes from my mouth will not return to me empty, but it will accomplish what I please and will prosper in what I send it to do.
You will indeed go out with joy and be peacefully guided; the mountains and the hills will break into singing before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.” Is 55:9,-12
This chapter is about God calling His people—the Israelites—back to Him. Verse 1 says, “Come, everyone who is thirsty...COME.” He is telling them that no matter what has been done to or by them, He is the answer, He is the comfort, He is the nourishment, and the glory is all HIS!!
It had been almost twenty years since I had that first experience with our gracious God on my patio as a young Mama when, once again, the beautiful sound of the wind in the trees lifted my head to see the little green hands glowing with joy as they clapped. But this time, I understood what it had always meant, and oh, the joy that flooded my soul!!
God has been so patient in allowing me many Spring seasons, teaching me not to lean into my own understanding (Prov 3:3-5) so that I would finally see that the clapping of all those leaves is not for me, but worship for Him, their creator. Their joy is a deep groan as they wait for HIM to return. I can look back now and see that He placed a groan inside me that could only be satisfied with Him (Rom 8:19-25). I can also see that He shared that glimpse of worship with me so that one day, I would be able to look back and know that He had always been with me, lifting my head all along.
Precious girl, no matter what age or stage you are in, God does not have to prove Himself to you, but if you slow down. Look…listen…and breathe in His tenderness; He is lifting your head, making Himself known to you. It may take years for you to fully understand what He is doing, but today, He is offering Himself in a way that is special to your relationship with Him. So rise up, weary one! Let your head be lifted!
“Lord, how are they increased that trouble me! many are they that rise up against me. Many there be which say of my soul, There is no help for him in God. Selah. But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah. I laid me down and slept; I awoke; for the Lord sustained me." Psalm 3:1-5 (KJV)
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