I have been reminiscing a smidge on the goodness of God in a confusing season...
Almost three years ago, we found out that a baby was coming. I remember wondering then what it would be like to be a Memaw and being reminded of something: Great joy and deep sadness do coexist in Jesus. Let me explain…
My heart was so heavy because it is true...there is a blessing in doing things in the order God ordained. I didn’t honor that order, and the road back to the heart of God was long and very hard…I had hoped my precious girl would know that blessing from the beginning.
My heart also knew a resounding peace because God is not interested in shaming or condemning those who have wandered in their own way. His interest is in giving them every reminder possible that He is a gracious, merciful, LIFE GIVING God…and He can and will use every single part of every season to draw them close to Him.
He stands post with His arms open wide, waiting for them. So…so do we!!
In the middle of all of that, however, I remember my body trying its best to cozy up with depression…It’s crazy! In retrospect, it was as though I was watching a literal battle between the Spirit and the flesh.
It would not be a spoiler alert to say...Jesus won!!!!!
That was the difference between the old days of depression and now. I had begun to understand that the body is designed to mourn when God has not been honored. He had also filled me with the truth: He cannot be shaken, outdone, or undone!
Thus, I was not wrapped in fear that I was doomed to depression. It's true...I absolutely hated the feeling of sadness, and selfishly I hated being slowed down in my own plans. Looking back now, I am incredibly grateful that my precious, gracious, merciful, LIFE GIVING God used these feelings to slow me down to do more than "follow the rules" but to sit with Him and hear Him, and this is what I felt like He said...
RISE AND BE RISEN
He told me then, and still today, that I am a child of the ONLY living King and have been given a resurrected life. Therefore, I need to act like it!! Rising up out of the grave of feelings and unmet expectations and leaning into the victory of the finished work of Jesus Christ MUST be my response.
Being a display of the character of our risen Savior is a choice!
In Acts 20:24, Paul says, "But I do not consider my life as something of value or dear to me, so that I may [with joy] finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify faithfully of the good news of God’s [precious, undeserved] grace [which makes us free of the guilt of sin and grants us eternal life]."
Considering that, I can’t help but think that I have squandered many of the Lord's blessings by thinking I had to get past—or hide from—that thing that He allowed before my service and testimony were valuable, but that’s just not true. Even in the fallen, misguided, sinful, confusing, overwhelming things of this world there are a multitude of opportunities to bring glory to His name! As Tara Lee Cobble says...HE IS WHERE THE JOY IS...not some preconceived notion of how things "were supposed to" work out!!
When we found out that we would have a new name—Memaw and Pappy—our precious grand-girl was only nine weeks along and the size of an olive. At the time, that little tiny lump was all I felt like I had to give. It was small, but I knew it was valuable to Him. I can also see now, as I could not imagine my life without Ember Grace in it, that there is unending life-giving joy in everything that He allows!!!!!
Dear friends…Rise and be risen today! That wall of emotion that you are trying to scale has purpose. He’s crushing, pressing, and making something new. The Light of Christ isn’t waiting to shine on you when you get it figured out, though. He’s waiting for you to come to Him so He can pour out His resurrecting power on you right there in the middle.
“Awake, sleeper, And arise from the dead, and Christ will shine [like the dawn] upon you and give you light.”
Ephesian 5:14
"In the crushing, in the pressing,
You are making new wine
In the soil I now surrender,
You are breaking new ground.
So I yield to You and to Your careful hand
When I trust You, I don’t need to understand
Make me Your vessel.
Make me an offering.
Make me whatever You want me to be.
I came here with nothing,
but all You have given me.
Jesus bring new wine out of me"
"I needed rescue
My sin was heavy
But chains break at the weight of Your glory
I needed shelter
I was an orphan
But You call me a citizen of Heaven
When I was broken
You were my healing
Now Your love is the air that I'm breathing
I have a future
My eyes are open"
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